Monday, September 20, 2010

A New Perspective

After careful consideration I feel that in order to fully and effectively express every part of my self I need to address both extreme sides of my mind and personality.

I began this journal with the prospect of exposing the meditative aspect of life and things around us. The idea stemmed from taking simple views of people, places, and attitudes and diving deeper into their meanings. I was inspired by Buddhists texts and outlooks on life and wanted to look within myself to find that same eye opening feeling and share what I discovered. I wanted this to be a place of calm, soothing words. A sanctuary of broad, global and earthly thoughts, away from personal quarrels and distress.

I am generally a patient and calm individual. I am always happy to lend an ear to those who need it and offer advice to overcome whatever troubles they may have. Helping others has always been a part of my life. Sometimes I find myself taking empathy to a whole new level, enveloping myself in the thoughts and feelings of someone who is going through physical or emotional turmoil. For me, it is the only true way to understand what is going on in another person's life and when I can finally offer my opinion.

For all my effort to be a patient, helpful and considerate person, I do succumb to a darker side. For as long as I remember I've had a terrible temper. My anger usually builds up from annoyances and frustrations that I tolerate throughout the days or weeks. How fast the rage builds depends on the magnitude of what I have to deal with. What sets me off the most comes from people. Inconsiderate people, rude people, ignorant people, liars, procrastinators, moochers and other forms of what I consider scum. My first reaction is to help some of these people but when they ignore my advice or the logic of the situation I take it very personally and it lights a spark of anger beneath me. And it only gets worse from there until I find a way to unleash it.

These resulting personality extremes comes from my very passionate nature. Passion is admirable but can also be dangerous. My attempt to appease only the heartwarming side of myself was in vain and, I feel, actually led me to lose my temper last week. I need an outlet for both but hopefully we will see more good than evil.