Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Everyday during the week my boyfriend has an alarm that goes off at 5:45AM. That doesn't mean he necessarily gets out of bed at that time but I'm up and commence snuggling until he pulls away to get dressed for work. It's never bothered me to wake up that early but I do feel sorry for Joe. He's definitely not a morning person and isn't exactly awake until his first sip of hot coffee from work. It's funny to watch him amble around the kitchen like a zombie, making his lunch for the day, and then finally sitting down for a bit before he has to head out to the bus.

I've genuinely been an early riser, mostly because my mom never let my sister and I sleep in past 10AM, but I do like the feeling of having the whole day ahead of me. There's something satisfying about looking at the clock and realizing it's only 8:45AM. I have all this time before I need to go to work at 2PM! It's refreshing knowing that I can sit here, check my email, apply for jobs, and I'm in no hurry. I could play a  Dead Island or DJ Hero. I can pack a proper snack and lunch for work. I could workout at the apartment's gym and finish the dishes. The possibilities are endless!

I like watching the day brighten as the sun rises in the east. I like watching the local morning news or have a breakfast that isn't actually lunch because it's already past noon. My day doesn't feel like it's already over before it's even begun.

Look out world! I'm here to seize the day!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


I'm learning more about myself as I try to stick to my 2012 New Year's Resolution.

I've failed to adhere to my new life rule already! Yesterday I got snippy with my sister and her boyfriend because, to me, they made silly decisions that got themselves lost and subsequently led to our having dinner at almost 11PM. They had missed a turn trying to get to the local grocer and in my mind the solution to turn around was a simple one. It baffled me how long it took them to find their way back and the adventure they went on. My comments were only critical instead of sympathetic and my mind's main goal was to make them feel bad about their predicament. I didn't realize how negative I was until after the fact. Later that night, while making dinner, I mustered up a quick apology in a small effort to salvage my criticism.

This morning it hit me. An embarrassing realization of myself emerged in my consciousness. I am terribly, horribly over critical of everything, including myself! I always knew that I could be too hard on myself but now that negative attitude and intolerance of mistakes is seeping out and affective the people around me. I have to be careful or I'll really hurt someone and lose them forever.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


I actually have a New Year's resolution that I plan to stick to this year.

Lately, I noticed I had been increasingly negative towards almost everything. Any little thing that was out of place or that wasn't done the way I preferred things to be done, would set me off in an instant. My reactions mostly consisted of snarky remarks followed by a quick temper. I got no satisfaction from it, just embarrassment and the inability to apologize. My boyfriend was the only exception I made. If I even hinted at being short with him I made sure to apologize profusely afterwards. I could always vent my frustrations to him since my anger seemed to stem from a build up of all the little things going wrong, backed by the big picture of disappointment I felt towards myself.

And then I realized I have so much to be happy about. The love of my life dropped everything he had and moved in with me, a girl he had been dating for merely four months. I get to hang out with my boyfriend/best friend almost all the time. I have a crappy job but at least I have some money coming in. I have the opportunity to get a better job. And I'm surrounded by good, new friends. Isn't that enough?

I also read a quote online that inspired me to take a more optimistic and friendlier outlook on life.
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes. - Charles R. Swindoll 
My New Year's Resolution: No matter what happens around me I will try to look at the positive side of things. I will react positively and embrace the challenge or obstacle. I will appreciate what I have and try to give more. I will not succumb to my duality. Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

Monday, January 9, 2012


This one's sure to be a page turner!

In September, my sister and I decided to move to Denver, Colorado. She came here to further her educational endeavors at The University of Denver while I tagged along for the sake of moving out of our parents' house. I completed my program's curriculum in May, didn't have a proper job to keep me in Dallas and, at the time, didn't have any real emotional ties to anyone. Except for one person.

Now that I think about it he was one of the only one of my college friends I spoke with on a regular basis. Our frequent communication started during our last semester at UTA when we would spend hours in the library sending funny pictures to each other through email because I didn't want his girlfriend at the time to see on Facebook how often we really did talk to each other. I didn't want her to see how much more he and I had in common than she with him. I didn't want anyone to see how much I liked him, really. Eventually he broke up with that girl and our friendship was free to blossom without any judgement or ridicule from her. And then it turned into something it should have been for a long time. A relationship.

Our summer fling started while I was taking chemistry at the local community college. We had just graduated from UTA. He was tirelessly looking for a full time job that incorporated his degree as I made a valiant effort to get into physical therapy school. We chatted every night about funny pictures on Reddit, cute animals and occasionally video games. If it was late enough, the conversation would turn to troublesome encounters with single ladies. First he would talk about going out, meeting up with old high school friends, realize they were a bit too desperate, and trying to find a way out. I always told him I would drive out to get him if he ever found himself in a sticky situation, even if he was 45min in downtown Ft. Worth. I let him know I'd always be there for him.

Then one night he expressed how lonely he felt.

His openness caught me off guard and then tugged on my heart strings. Without hesitation I told him to come over and hang out. It didn't matter that he lived 40min away or that it was close to midnight. I couldn't leave him like that. I cared about him too much. We drank beer and went swimming. We drank enough to finally admit that we'd been eyeing each other for a while. I had been single for almost a year and joked my only obstacle had been the rebound girlfriend he picked up for 6 months whereas he had no excuse not to have pursued me.

How does this elaborate tangent fit in with the fact that I had decided to move to Colorado? Even though I had already committed to the decision to move 700 miles away with my sister and he finally found a good paying job, we decided we were good for each other and figured out a rough plan to be together. After a few months of saving up money from his new job, he was going to move to Colorado and live with us. It was a good plan but unfortunately it fell through.

After one month away from each other we couldn't stand being apart. Video chatting every night wasn't enough and he was starting to hate his job and the people around him. He decided four weeks of paid training was enough to move himself to Colorado and get him through a couple of months until he found a new job. It was a big risk but most definitely worth it.

Now, almost three months after he moved in, he's got a good job that he enjoys and coworkers he can be friends with. I'm happy. He's happy. We're happy.