Push

I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm sure I've had these thoughts or feelings before but they seem to be more prominent right now. School is almost over for the year and I'm that much closer to graduating (Spring 2011) but at the same time I don't feel like I've really accomplished anything. I'm still so unsure of my future and nothing is for certain far enough ahead for me to feel comfortable. I suppose this may also be the result of my lack of motivation to take those steps to setup a future for myself. At the same time I feel like I'm not worthy of success and don't see it coming my way. I continue to be a burden for my parents, asking for rent money and even more so since I'll be living by myself for my last semester at UTA.

A friend of mine is headed towards exciting adventures even before he graduates. He's been seeking out opportunities and was even offered one. I'm proud of him and believe he deserves everything he wants.And that's the difference between him and me, he takes initiative and paves a way for his future. I admire his gusto and wish I could ignite the same passion and will power within myself.

I'm too content with how things are. I want things to move along in my life but I feel like I'm in a rut. Mentally, my mind is tired of THIS and wants to move on, do greater things, change peoples' lives but I'm not taking that step. I've found that I'm great at pushing other people to take the step but I can't seem to give myself the same "I believe in you" speech. It's kind of funny and eternally frustrating.

I love my friends and wish them all the best. I do my best to make sure they get there. But I guess I'm forgetting about me.